On Grete and her half of the story

featuring #HALFTHESTORY

I can’t take it off. I have tried and I’ve tried, but it’s too late now, it is stuck to my face and there’s nothing I can do about it.

It’s not gilded, it does not shine, nor sparkle, nor wow. It is not colourful; although it does have a beige tinge which I quite like.

I wouldn’t even mind it that much, if I could remove it every now and then, and maybe even replace it.  Or just have a barren face for a while, the pores of my skin breathing, the white of my nose shining in the sun, the pink of my birthmark feeling the raindrops.

But I can’t take it off. It is a mask, it’s supposed to be removable and I just can’t take it off.

I’m not sure when it happened, exactly. At the beginning, I wore it only in the evenings. I would come home, tired from work, I would have a quick dinner, then I would sit in my favourite spot – that warp of the sofa, where it’s slightly ripped, just by the window.

I would go online for only half an hour or so. Check the news first. Look at a recipe or two. Then twenty minutes of socialising. I would load pictures of the City, that tall building defying gravity, right in front of my office window.

But the truth is, I do not sit exactly by the window. I sit by the kitchenette, which is actually very handy for making cups of tea.

So one day I put up a picture of the teapot and the mugs, aligned. Naomi’s ‘Hug in a mug’,  Richard’s ‘Keep calm and fill me’.  Some have funny messages. Some, pictures made by their children. I posted: ‘My first tea round for the day heart heart heart xxx.

I was surprised to read the replies online. ‘So lovely.’ ‘You’re the office angel.’ ‘No one makes me a cup of tea.’

So the next day I took a picture of the card and present we had been planning for Sarah. She’s getting married next week, and it’s been long coming, and we have really made an effort with her gift. Again, my posting was met with a lot of positive thoughts.

So I keep doing it. I post positive images of myself and what I have been up to, in fact, now it’s enough for me to post a line or two, for my friends to comment. And I will admit, I have been spending a little more time in the evenings checking the replies, browsing through my pictures. Some of them are really beautiful.

Thing is though… recently I have been been so tired… I have tried posting something positive, hoping that my spirits would be lifted, but I just cannot. I have tried talking to Jeannie, but she kept saying: ‘Oh, you’re such a lovely person, just so amazing!’

And it’s not that I do not like that, but I’m spent.

I want to be me again.

I just don’t know how to do it. How do I go back to being me?

I’ve got this mask stuck to my face, it’s sticking to my eyelids, it’s glued to my eyelashes. You can see where my lips are slightly breaking free, but they are grey with pressure.

If only I could take it off. Maybe I should ask online? Maybe someone can help.

#HALF THE STORY

This post is the retelling of a conversation I had with a friend. My friend told me she constantly worried she had lost herself in trying to be someone who she wasn’t sure she was anymore.

Let me introduce you to an organisation which campaigns for exactly the opposite. #HALFTHESTORY was started to help lift the veil between the on-line and off-line persona. They encourage an open conversation, where we declare both the good moments, and the not so good instances of our lives.

In not so many words, HALFTHESTORY  is an online project designed to highlight our stories beyond the curated media that we choose to show online. They encourage us to reconnect on that human level, to raise awareness and educate on the safe and equal use of social media.

#HalfTheStory has now developed and grown into a non-profit that offers educational resources about the impact of social media on mental health to schools and colleges across the United States. There will be 3 major components to the non-profit: Research & Development, Education & Resources, and a Multi-Media Platform.

I particularly love Halfthestory’s Instagram account, which is mainly a tool to share experiences, struggles as well as tales of success and aspirations. Most recently, halfthestory have been fighting on raising awareness on mental health, suicide and eating disorders. Check out their account to find honesty, acceptance and reality, online.

Do you have a similar story to tell? Why not write to me in comments. Were you also touched by #halfthestory’s healing expertise? Let me know.

Also, here is where you can find more information on organisations working in raising awareness on mental health, and suicide prevention.

Storisse a charity

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