featuring #IAMWHOLE
I first met Ania 13 years ago.
She was fifty years old, she had the bluest eyes and thick short hair. We never spoke much. Back then, we each spoke different languages. She liked to sit in her chair by the window, in the tiny kitchen, with a permanent coffee in her hand and sometimes a cigarette. I often stayed in the kitchen with her. I would take pictures and listen. Sometimes I would wash up. Ania loved to cook but hated washing up. I remember wondering how so much kindness and humility could be packed just in one woman? And how could that woman carry it with so much elegance and style? Ania’s life was empty of material comforts, but she put effort and thought into the most mundane tasks. In fact, I loved being served tea by Ania so much, that I have a blog post in the making. Watch this space. 13 years on, and what I remember best when I close my eyes is her smile.
When Ania smiled, you knew you were loved.
Ania’s story is one of struggle, of madness and of love. A struggle with mental illness, in a time when it was little understood and all was labelled under ‘schizophrenia’. It is a story of madness, as ‘mad’ she was most likely called when she gave up medication in order to carry, give birth and breastfeed two sons. Ania became mad in her twenties. She was admitted to the local hospital, in a city of the Polish North. Against all odds and though labelled ‘mad’, Ania was encouraged to fight to get well. In hospital she met Mirek. He was on the Detox ward. In 1978 Mirek and Ania got married. I love looking at the picture of their wedding. She is very young, but looking older, and that dress – I really wish she’d kept that dress! 
In 1979 their first son was born, followed by the second, in 1980.
From here on, memories differ. I have listened to many stories over time. Some relatives told me that Ania and Mirek’s parenting style was very ‘relaxed’. Others told me of the exemplary behaviour of said children, whenever on a family visit. There are my own memories, of Ania welcoming her children (and I became one of them, as soon as she met me) with a large smile and a warm greeting which is impossible to translate, but I will try to anyway. So the greeting goes: ‘Oh, my lovelies! They are home!’ There are also the sons’ memories of Mirek’s soggy ham sandwiches for dinner – an indication that Ania had once again been admitted to hospital – or ‘sectioned’. Ania continued to be mainly an outpatient of the main psychiatric hospital in the Northern city of Poland. She never gave up hope, neither did her doctors. She led a beautiful life and taught her sons essential values: humility, kindness and a deep understanding and acceptance of mental illness as part of life.
Most importantly, Ania taught her children how to love.
Ania’s life could have easily taken a very different path: misunderstood and unsupported, Ania could have ended up alone, frightened and on the streets of that Northern town of Poland. Her story is one of thirty years ago, I know, but in its background, it features some forward thinking medical minds who encouraged Ania to persevere at building a life. I’ve always wished I could find them and thank them for having that foresight, for giving Ania a chance at a normal life. This meant her sons could be born, in a loving relationship – yes, with its ups and downs, like all of ours! And one of those sons is now my husband. 
# I AM WHOLE
I have decided to feature YMCA England’s and the NHS’s I am whole campaign at the end of this post. Ania was an important person in many people’s lives, including my own, and I believe she would agree with my choice. I love this campaign. It is aimed particularly at young people, calling all individuals to stand together against stereotypes and negative language around mental health. The result should be a daily life where we focus more on the value of the person, than on the label we grant them. This campaign argues that negative stereotypes and negative language can stop people from seeking the help that they need. People would suffer in silence rather than be called stigmatising names. Get the conversation started! Challenge yourself to use supportive language that would encourage others to speak up!